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    Monday, October 22, 2018

    DREADFUL

    Monday, October 22, 2018

    Arrived at TOS in Springfield, VA this morning around 9:00am.

    Bicavity CT scan ordered by Dr. Khanna

    I also asked that they do her legs too, while she’s under.  She sits a lot, or lays down and somewhat favors her rear.  I was assuming it was her hips but who knows.

    Around 11:00am I received a call from Jessica conveying that they see a very large mass (“impressive” she called it) in her left lung and wanted my permission to do a needle aspirate.  Big, no, HUGE, sigh.  She said it was so large it was pushing other things like her heart, to the right (which is supposed to be in the middle).  I, of course, said yes to the aspirate.  We should have results within a few days, both from the needle aspirate and the actual radiologist report.

    I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  The heaviness.  The surreal moment in time where it’s almost hard to believe.  I don’t want to believe.  I hear people talking but my mind is struggling.  This feels like a nightmare.  Please, let it be just a nightmare.  Sigh.

    I’ve been here before.  Only this time it’s different.  I don’t feel this race against the clock like I did before.  I think it’s because I feel like the clock already has me beat.  Beat, just like last time, although last time somehow I thought I could get ahead of it.  I thought wrong.  Very, very wrong.  The numbness, the feeling of defeat, feeling of helplessness all take over.  We cuddle with our Sassy girl.  She knows she is loved and we too, know she loves us.

    I really feel at a loss.  She didn’t even REALLY have symptoms.  Even my vet wouldn’t have done the blood test I decided on my own to do just because she vomited.  I have just been paranoid after losing Schmoopy last year.  And Sassy, like Schmoopy, just turned 10.  That blood test revealed hypercalcemia, which after Schmoopy, sets off major alarm bells for me.  It seems that by the time a dog is symptomatic, or hypercalcemic, it’s too late.  That’s just my opinion, and I realize I’m getting ahead of myself since I don’t “officially” have results back, much less options.  But let’s face it, it doesn’t sound good.  I can be a realist, or I can be a hopeless optimistic, and live in “La-La” land as my mother would put it.

    So heart broken.  Truly.  Sigh.

    We will see what they say.  We will spend every day loving her as we always do.  We will make her as comfortable as possible.

    I love you my Sassy girl.  My chunky monkey (even though she’s not chunky)., my cuddle bug.  I love you so very much.

    How can this be.  Someone, anyone...wake me from this awful nightmare.

    1 comment:

    1. We send many prayers and encouraging woooos furiends,

      Nuk & Family

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